12/3/14

The Beauties and the Beast (1974) Review

This movie is absolutely goddamn terrible and I loved it.  It's like the Manos of Bigfoot sexploitation movies.  Don't expect a coherent plot, quality acting, or a decent musical score because this movie has none of these things, but what it does have is a guy wearing a shag rug and a rubber mask spying on ladies in various states of undress.  It's so bad that I couldn't look away.

"Girls in a nudist camp are terrorized by an Abominable Snowman-type beast."  That's what the description reads, but that isn't quite true.  The film begins with a man squatting in a forest like he's going to pinch a loaf, but no, he actually tells of Yeti and Bigfoot sightings throughout history and concludes with "the following story could actually happen" or something.  At this point I thought this was going to be like a nature documentary, but thankfully it soon cut to a topless woman being abducted by a guy in a gorilla suit.

The thing is, there is no nudist camp or Abominable Snowman.  After Ranger Rick concludes his tale, the story begins with a Bigfoot-type creature hunting for unsuspecting women who venture into his forest and take their clothes off.  If they just wander into the forest I think they're ok, but as soon as the clothes come off, they get kidnapped and imprisoned in Bigfoot's cave for some reason.  I say "for some reason" because they are never seen or mentioned in the film again.

"I'm not pooping."
Then the real story begins.  Two female college students travel to the forest to study "primitive man" for an Anthropology course.  Russ Meyer's voluptuous vixen, Uschi Digard, plays one of them and  the size of Uschi's rack is far more intimidating than any beast-creature.  Anyway, the two students never crack a textbook or put pen to paper but they do spend some time sipping brandy with their boobs out.  Later, they meet a group of hippie-types who are squatting in a boys summer camp and they agree to join them there.  Jealousy and sexual escapades ensue, but before that, the hippies tell of a strange person or creature who takes food from the camp at night and leaves rare gold coins behind as payment.  Could it be Bigfoot!?  Also, one of the hippies plays a terrible, but strangely catchy song on his acoustic guitar.

It turns out, a couple of unsavory fellows want the gold coins for themselves and bring some unwanted violence to the love-in.  Unfortunately, sarcasm and dreams of a socialist utopia are no match for the bad guys's guns.  Who will save the hippies?  Could it be Bigfoot!?

Like I said, this isn't a good movie.  It's a "so bad it's good" movie.  This is the kind of movie you invite a couple of friends over, have a few beers and make fun of Uschi Digard trying to speak English.

Violence Rating/Index: 2 out of 5
Booby Rating/Index: 3.5 out of 5



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(They died)

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