Friday, June 15, 2012

Big Tits Zombie (2010) Review

The Boobs To Die For.

I have a problem with this title.  I mean the movie is called Big Tits Zombie so I was expecting to see at least one zombie with big tits, but this was not the case.  The "big tits" must therefore be in reference to the two main characters, Lena (Sola Aoi) and Ginko (Risa Kasumi) who are indeed both well endowed although certainly not to the extent of Russ Meyer's girls, but then if they did have chesticles that size the film would have to be called "Unbelievably Massive Tits Zombie" or something.

Now the original title Kyonyû doragon Onsen zonbi vs sutorippâ 5 is just as misleading.  It translates as The Big Tits Dragon: Hot Spring Zombies vs Strippers 5 and the "zombies vs strippers" part makes absolute sense because that's what the movie is about, but the "big tits dragon" part is even more confusing than "big tits zombie."  There are no dragons in the movie at all.  However, I think I may know what "dragon" refers to, and I'll get to it in a bit because it's pretty awesome.

I had low expectations when I decided to watch this movie.  Japanese girls in short skirts and knee high boots fighting monsters with katanas and chainsaws has become as much of a cliche as old business men sniffing panties or tentacle rape (I love you Japan) so I was expecting another unoriginal, campy bloodbath.

Well it's certainly campy and there is significant arterial spray but Big Tits Zombie turned out to be something I didn't expect - it's actually entertaining.  

Adult Video idols Sola Aoi and Risa Kasumi are surprisingly competent as two strippers who must battle a horde of zombies after an academically inclined and uppity dancer friend/enemy or "frenemy" gains control of the undead.  You see, there are five burlesque-ish dancers who stumble upon a secret passage in their dressing room which leads to a spooky chamber that contains money and gold and other valuables including the Book of the Dead.  The uppity stripper reads from the tome and unknowingly unleashes the minions of cheap special-effects zombies upon Japan.  Later she gains control over the undead and uses them as her own personal army, which sucks because she's really self-centered and doesn't use them for the good of humankind.  Kind of a wasted opportunity if you ask me.  Anyway, it's up to Lena and Ginko to stop the narcissistic bitch.

I don't want to give away too many surprises but the "dragon" part of the original title should probably be explained.  Toward the end of the movie, after one of the minor characters changes into one of the undead, she is lying on her back and for some unexplained reason she lifts herself up off the ground like Regan doing the "spider-walk" in The Exorcist, arches her back and shoots fire out of her vagina.  The movie's worth watching for that scene alone.

However, it must be said that for a movie with "big tits" in the title and starring two adult film actresses, surprisingly few boobies are actually shown.  Because of this, Big Tits Zombie has a fairly low Booby Rating but don't let that discourage you from seeing it.  The terrible special effects and lowbrow humor more than make up for it.

Violence Rating:  4 out of 5
Booby Rating:  2 out of 5



Big Tits Zombie 
Get it at TLACult

5 comments:

sunderland art student said...

Japanese boob movies are always hilarious, but not enough boobs? You would expect at least some zombie boobs, on second thoughts maybe you don't want to see undead bresteses. Or undead..their dresses.(under their dresses)..that one was bad.
I like it when they have real imagination, when its something i have never seen before, a real..what the hell? moment.

That Bastard From Bellingham said...

FIRE!

OUT OF HER VAGINA!!!!!

GOOD LORD FUND IT, TAKE MY WALLET, MY LEATHERS AND ALL MY MONEY!

Henry Ng said...

huehuehue.

D4 said...

Ah Banacek.. I really want to see this one now. Damn you.

G said...

I don't think I'll ever get bored of japanese girls in short skirts and knee high boots fighting monsters with katanas and chainsaws...but what really sold me on seeing this film soon has to be the fire breathing vagina!

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