7/27/11

King Dick (1973)

Every woman's secret fantasy!

King Dick a.k.a. Il nano e la strega
Yikes.  Watching this animated Italian sex-romp seemed like the thing to do at the time, but now I know better.  First and foremost, King Dick is just boring.  The humor is juvenile and the animation is terrible.  I must admit that I chuckled a few times but mostly I just wanted to watch something else; but I suffered through it for you, loyal readers (I know there must be one or two of you).  I endured all the sex puns just for you!

Are you ready for the plot?  I think I can sum it up in one sentence.  An ugly old witch needs to have 69 orgasms in order to become young and beautiful again, so she requires the services of a little gnome with a huge phallus who always runs away from her. 

That's pretty much it.  There are a few other "adventures" along the way that are just as boring as the rest of the story and involve such characters as a circus elephant who takes pleasure in pooping on people, a fat chick who tries desperately to get laid and Robin Hood, who doesn't seem to steal anything but the innocence of young maidens.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on this movie (Hard on.  I made a sex pun).  It is a 1970s sex cartoon after all, not Citizen Kane.  When the little gnome put a cork in the butt of the elephant to prevent him from pooping on people, it was kind of funny.  It didn't work of course, and the poo just sprayed out like a shotgun all over the crowd.  That's the funniest part of the movie so if that's not your thing, you should avoid this film.

On second thought, everybody should avoid this film unless you're really bored and/or really high.

Cartoon Violence Rating: 1 out of 5
Cartoon Booby Rating: 4.5 out of 5


"On this episode of Mythbusters..."

31 comments:

D4 said...

So, it sounds really, really boring. However elephants pooping can in fact be funny. I might watch it just for the scene, if I decide to watch it at all.

GMSoccerPicks said...

Oh wow, looks like fun. I feel like there is no need for words with this one hahahah crazy actually

Film Geek Bastard said...

Wow. I haven't heard of this film. Now, I'm very curious about it.

Shutterbug said...

I prefer my Disney cartoons! :D

Magixx said...

looks like a funny animated film

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

Ummm... wow. Who sits around and dreams stuff like this up haha.

Shaw said...

Uh, this looks... um.., yeah.

LoneIslander said...

Would it be sad if I say I think I might have seen this already?

The Angry Lurker said...

I get my cartoon rocks from Manga now but retro can sometimes be good, signed Angry Lurker (loyal lurker).

Polybius said...

I remember watching something similar. It was about a cowboy pig and some cat and it was horribly drawn and immature.

movie68 said...

Sounds pretty awful to me.

That Bastard From Bellingham said...

I...well...hmm.

Just...huh.

I...honestly wish I had a decent witty response towards what appears to be an atrocious waste of time. I mean...a sex cartoon you can't even whack off to?

I just...huh.

Yeah, no comment. Sorry brah.

I mean...you can't just say "LOL IT WAS THE '70'S" 'cuz hey, they gave us Heavy Metal uncut. As a coming-of-age film (well, at the age of 12 it was certainly as hot as anything else I saw on late-night Skinemax or Showtime) it does a decent job of turning boys into men.

This, though...

Just...huh.

Henry said...

PASS

Jay said...

...my childhood ruined...

;)

Zombie said...

oh wow. its amazing what people make. :P

Aaron M. Gipson said...

I'm so sorry that you had to endure this tripe only to have an elephant defecating on a crowd be the only source of amusement. I think I've seen clips of this film before, but I'm not sure where. But I am intoxicated on the Internet quite a bit...

Oh, and to the Bastard of Bellingham, Heavy Metal came out in 81. It was another one that I got to see in the drive-in!

StigmataHandjob said...

Sure, gnomes are hot, but..

Gryt said...

Yeah, I don't think I'll be watching this one anytime soon...

hoaks2 said...

Wow... this looks REEEEEALLLY bad.

Major.Mack said...

teee hee

Dan Carter said...

i think i'll just leave this one

Alexis said...

Hahaha... I don't think I'll be watching this one any time soon.
Tech Me

Bart said...

lmfao what... awkward

Dilord said...

This actually ruined my childhood when I first watched it. Then and there the boobs I always see now looked different.

Electric Addict said...

lol i chuckled at the bit about the elephant's poo

Astronomy Pirate said...

Doesnt seem to be worth the time sink to watch this.

i_love_weed said...

this movie looks so fukin terrible :D

cellz said...

wow what an interesting looking movie. maybe one day i will find the time to watch this and be amazed by it. showing $ome love and following

MrCoolPants said...

lol were do you get this movie? Sounds fun. You think its boring but you made me curious about this movie

my day in a sentence said...

Is it wrong if I'm kinda turned on by this? O_o'

Triper said...

Thats funny :D

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