6/28/11

The Forest (1982)

I'm sick and lazy and I don't want to do anything but sleep.  So, I'm going to expand on a post I did a while back and make it into a review, although it will be a half-assed one as all my reviews are.  I'll have another another addition to the Girls of Grindhouse for you tomorrow.

Daddy's Gone A Hunting.

The Forest
This is one of those movies that traumatized the hell out of me when I was a kid.  I couldn't remember what it was called so it took me forever to track it down.  I finally found it and watched it again about a year ago and... well... it's definitely better left remembered.   This one my friends, is a hard one to get through.  It's pretty much a train wreck from beginning to end. The violence is minimal compared to other slasher films, and the boobies are nonexistent.  In fact, if you can make it all the way through the trailer, I salute you.  Now imagine 85 minutes of that...

There's a sad, old cannibal in the woods.  He kills and eats campers.  There's your plot.

Four city slickers from Los Angeles decide to get away from the congestion and rat race of city life for a weekend of camping in the mountains.  The two girls are eager to prove that they're just as competent as their men, and leave for the woods early to set up camp.  A wise Forest Ranger warns the girls to be careful because some people have disappeared in the woods over the years and their bodies have never been recovered.  I know he's wise because he has a mustache.

Times had been tough for Will Forte.
The two men finally arrive at the forest but can't find the campsite and wander around until it gets dark.  Meanwhile, the girls are attacked by some psycho with a bowie knife and a greasy hat and one of them has her throat cut.  Later, the two men stumble upon a cave and decide to take shelter until dawn.  However, there is a strange, slovenly, old man and his creepy, pale children in the cave already.  It seems this is their home.  The old man offers the two strangers some meat from his fire and one of them accepts.  Guess what it is?!  Anyway, the sad, old cannibal tells his sad, old tale of how his wife cheated on him and how he fled to the forest with his kids to get away from it all.  Of course, he leaves out some crucial details... like how he killed his kids and the fact that the creepy, pale children in the cave are actually their ghosts.

And so, the men leave in the morning to find the girls but discover that their campsite is deserted.  As they search for their missing wives, everybody who is still alive eventually gets hunted by the sad, old cannibal who lives in the forest.  The end.

This one is really only for masochists or slasher film aficionados... or maybe if you're drunk and want a few laughs.

Violence Rating/Index: 3 out of 5

Booby Rating/Index: 1 out of 5 which translates to "no nudity, maybe some cleavage or a bikini here and there" according to the Rating System.


29 comments:

AllenTesch said...

So it's a slasher/cannibal/ghost movie?

D4 said...

This is one of those movies I'd probably avoid on purpose.

YAY girl of grindhouse tomorrow! :D

Bart said...

lol i remember watching this. its pretty funny. also nice tanline bume on the side

A Beer for the Shower said...

I'd watch it. Then again, I'm always drunk and looking for a laugh.

Alphabeta said...

Looks quite silly.
Probably fun with a few drinks alright.

ThirtySeven said...

Immediately upon seeing this post, I went on eBay to find it. I love b flicks!!

The Angry Lurker said...

Avoiding like a plague of cannibals.

LasseEA said...

haha crazy movie :)!

Copyboy said...

Man, Willie M never looked better.

Astronomy Pirate said...

It would have been more interesting if the forest did the killing.

-E- said...

the classic undersell. i like it.

Henry said...

So why did it traumatize you?

Jay said...

pale children sound more scary than old cannibal.

Michael Arsenault said...

that movie kinda of looks kind of messed up, ill probably avoid it thanks!

Aaron M. Gipson said...

Yeah, I think I'll pass on this one too. But I sure hope you start feeling better really soon, it seems like something is going around up there in Canada. You are the third Canadian friend I have who is sick right now.

Definitely looking forward to a new "Girls of Grindhouse" though! Chia Pets between their legs or not, I luvs me some vintage beauties.

3DS-Games said...

I wanna see this hopefully it's on Netflix

Major.Mack said...

lol this one looks hilarious

jrallen said...

Looks more goofy than scary.

blorriepoes said...

great post! i'd avoid it too, +follow

SHoTS said...

I'll avoid it too unless I'm watching it with some friends.

MacLaren said...

Hah, looks goofy

mediocreatleast said...

Very nice, good to see someone looking in and reviewing movies others might pass on by.

JWilliams said...

A booby rating eh? Haha, followed.

John said...

Gotta love those old time slasher movies.

Will said...

you have alot of good posts and an awesome blog,I cant wait to hear about other movies on your blog. +1 follower.

Shutterbug said...

I hope you feel better! :)

tamezisclutch said...

I remember when I saw this movie it was a good movie I recommend this movie to anyone.

lunatic said...

i really loved your blog

movie68 said...

Gonna pass based on the low booby rating.

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