5/26/11

Two Boobies Are Not Enough.

I'm going to attempt to explain the Beasts in Human Skin rating system.  It's an attempt because usually it's just a judgement call, but there is some rhyme and/or reason to it.  People have commented that a movie wasn't worth watching because the Booby Rating was only a 3 out of 5.  Well, according to my system that's a lot of boobies so let me explain...

First, the Violence Rating.  This is entirely a judgement call.  I compare every movie to an action film like the 1977 (or 1978 depending on who you talk to) version of Inglorious Bastards.  It has a lot of action and deaths and explosions, but not a lot of blood and gore and would score a 3 out of 5.  So basically it comes down to this:

Violence Rating:
0.5 - 2.5:  Not much going on, maybe an occasional death and a little blood.
3:  Intense action movie violence or substantial blood
3.5:  We are entering exploitation movie territory
4 or 4.5:  Blood covers the streets and and falls from the heavens 
5:  Stomach churning gore

Now the Booby Rating is a little more scientific.

Booby Rating:
0.5 or 1:  No nudity, maybe some cleavage or a bikini here and there
1.5:  Lots of cleavage or bikinis or even some transparent clothing but still no boobies
2:  Boobies make an appearance but in a nonsexual way like skinny dipping or something
2.5:  There is at least one substantial sex scene and other booby sightings
3:  Several sex scenes and significant boobage
3.5:  Lots of sex, nudity and boobies but not so many boobies that I tire of seeing them
4 or 4.5:  There is so much nudity and so many boobies that it becomes normative. People are naked all the time.  Usually Pinky Violence, Pinku Eiga and some Gialli.
5:  Sexploitation
5+:  Hardcore scenes are shown.  An example would be Thriller: A Cruel Picture.

I also throw in a pipe smoking (the tobacco kind) rating if it's featured in a film because it's a hobby of mine, but nobody really cares about that.

So, there is the rating system.  I may modify it a little in the future, but not too much.  I hope this gives you guys and gals a better idea of what to expect when watching these films.  Later!

29 comments:

Kicking Rocks said...

This clears things up a bit! Can you do a rock rating? nah just kidding that mine!! =D

BigMike said...

ya know, I wondered about that when you gave a movie 2.5 a while ago and I clearly remembered a quality sex scene with great boob action... Thanks for the update

Zoltan said...

How come the Dirt Bike Rating was never mentioned? =)

Bart said...

with all of today's technological advances, 3 is the new minimum

thenitefalls said...

Nice overall view on the ratings! I hope there will be lots of boobies in the future!

srnajera said...

:O good points

tigey said...

Just found your website, I really like it, looking forward for more posts

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Colin Biano said...

oh man, now i have to go back and watch all the movies with my newfound knowledge of the boobies scale

Rob said...

Effective system, and I enjoy smoking from a pipe as well now and then.

Malkavian said...

Hmmm thx for explaining your Ratings now i know 3 is an allround good film.

Laughing Vault said...

i want some 5 boob ranked movies :D

Dave said...

I liked your rating chart lol.

Speedy Ed said...

haha i love the boob rating :P

Aaron M. Gipson said...

I can't wait to see a 5/5!!

BTN Hip Hop said...

we gotta see some 5+ boob flicks

D4 said...

I love how the violence is pretty much just your call, while the boobie rating is "scientific" but yes, after watching a couple of your recommended movies, you get a grasp what the rating system is like.

Zombie said...

there is never such a thing as too much boobs. lol.

Astronomy Pirate said...

This makes things a bit more clear. This isn't really whether a movie is good or not, but how hardcore it is.

Jay said...

wow, i've missed a lot of boobies!

Shutterbug said...

can i just say i think pipe smoking is gross!

Admin said...

How did I end up at this blog? Haha.

Necroticism said...

You better post only 5+ movies!

hoaks2 said...

Helpful guide.

Sam said...

I like the uniqueness of this post :)

The Angry Lurker said...

Great information and essential.

JayPower said...

Damn i gotta check this out, sounds hot ;D

Patti D. said...

Very cool system, and love those pipes!

Geoffrey said...

when I read the title, I was expecting a post about Total Recall

Elliot said...

This is one of the better blogs I have seen nice work man.

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